Autism...you never know when their irrational fears will emerge and rear their angry heads. Yikes! Not exactly a fear but an attachment. Attachment to things. Things that have been on his shelf for years....untouched...collecting dust.
HOLY COW... is what I'm thinking. We are getting things ready for a garage sale tomorrow and Mr. Mischievous just HAD to tell Mr. Happy that we were selling two of his toys. I had just told Mr. Mischievous not to tell his brother. So what does he do? Marches right into the house and tells him. Oh my goodness.
Mr. Happy come screaming through the door...I heard him coming....deep breath. Let the meltdown begin. He went on and on about how much he loves these toys and how we was going to play them soon. Over and over again. Screaming, slamming, stomping, tears pouring down his face, wailing like he's being hurt. This went on for several minutes.
Finally after a lot of exceedingly loud and crazy insanity coming from one person, my husband picked up our 11 year old, Mr. Happy, and sat with him on the couch,cradling him, holding him tightly. It's what we call a "squishie". But he's getting so big that it takes a whole lot of muscle to make sure that during all the thrashing and tantrum throwing he doesn't hurt himself or someone else.
The poor kid is just crushed. He loves the toys and wants to keep them. He ate dinner in tears. After dinner I sent him to rest and watch a show. I hope someday he'll be able to understand more than he does now.
Showing posts with label Autism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Autism. Show all posts
Friday, April 26, 2013
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
The First Day of Spring
Today is the first official day of Spring for 2013. Spring...just the thought of Spring makes people happy. Spring can pull people out of the cold-weather blues and make them feel alive and energetic again. But when the weather does not cooperate with the calendar it can make a child with Autism very upset.
Mr. Man's teacher told him that the first day of Spring is today. He is very literal. Very black and white.
This morning we woke up and it's in the 30's. My son was not happy. He growled, and grunted. He slammed and stomped. He screamed and yelled. He blew at us, because in his mind that's mean, but he doesn't always get into trouble for it. He hit us with his clothing. He doesn't want to have to wear pants and long sleeved shirts anymore. It's Spring. He doesn't want to wear his winter coat. It's Spring. He's mad at the weather. He's mad at me because he wants me to fix the weather. It's Spring.
I tried to reassure him that it will be warm eventually, but he didn't like that. So I simply smile. I tell him, "I'm sorry your upset." Or..."It'll be warm in a couple of weeks." Or..."Use nice words."
This frustration about Spring has been building. I'm glad that Spring really will be here soon. Eventually Mr. Man will understand. Until then, I will continue to hug him and reassure him calmly. Maybe I'll even help him throw his clothing around....could be a stress reliever for me as well.
Mr. Man's teacher told him that the first day of Spring is today. He is very literal. Very black and white.
This morning we woke up and it's in the 30's. My son was not happy. He growled, and grunted. He slammed and stomped. He screamed and yelled. He blew at us, because in his mind that's mean, but he doesn't always get into trouble for it. He hit us with his clothing. He doesn't want to have to wear pants and long sleeved shirts anymore. It's Spring. He doesn't want to wear his winter coat. It's Spring. He's mad at the weather. He's mad at me because he wants me to fix the weather. It's Spring.
I tried to reassure him that it will be warm eventually, but he didn't like that. So I simply smile. I tell him, "I'm sorry your upset." Or..."It'll be warm in a couple of weeks." Or..."Use nice words."
This frustration about Spring has been building. I'm glad that Spring really will be here soon. Eventually Mr. Man will understand. Until then, I will continue to hug him and reassure him calmly. Maybe I'll even help him throw his clothing around....could be a stress reliever for me as well.
Monday, March 11, 2013
ADHD and Autism...
Living with children who have Autism and ADHD is the "norm" in our house. It's part of our daily routine. It's not easy at times...but it's OUR normal. Although...couldn't we say that each and every home has it own normal? I think so.
After all these years I must say that ADHD is harder for me to handle than Autism...MOST of the time. When we go somewhere new or go on a weekend trip...I am reminded of the way things used to be all the time....with Autism. But as he has grown, many of his behaviors have decreased in severity.
We took a short trip to attend the temple in Kansas City. During our short trip we stayed with family. The cousins played and enjoyed their time together. But when it was time to go home our son got very upset...had to be restrained...yelled and screamed loudly...and created a scene. Thank goodness our family is very supportive. I was then reminded how different our normal is. And I was extremely grateful for improvements too.
ADHD is different. He doesn't lash out and kick, scream, hit, punch, slam or any of those physical things, most of the time. He doesn't give up. He is relentless. He does NOT give up. (Did I say that already...)He keeps asking...he keeps begging...he continues to present his point of view...over and over. He gets stuck on something and can NOT let it go. He is attached to everything. I would want him on my side in a debate! He will not give up until he wins! What a great quality to have!
He is smart, sweet, kind, thoughtful and helpful. He is easily distracted by legos or television and other toys. He has a great memory. He LOVES to repeat lines from shows or movies he has seen. He has a WONDERFUL sense of humor. He is very....VERY dramatic! Did I say very dramatic? Oh yeah....he is extremely dramatic! And here I thought the drama would come with the girls! Bah!
ADHD requires constant reminders. And I mean constant. By the time the kids head out the door to school I am worn out! I am thankful for a small break while they are at school. For several years I sat with him at the table while he did homework...every night. We sat for hours. I redirected. And redirected. Until...he was finished. Some nights it was until dinner time. Other nights it was until bedtime. Eventually he got so he could accomplish his homework on his own and more quickly. Now I only help on occasion.
Some days I feel like I never graduated from high school because I STILL have homework to do! It's all part of being a parent.
What I think I love most about my son with ADHD is his persistence! He doesn't give up! I could learn a thing or two from him!
After all these years I must say that ADHD is harder for me to handle than Autism...MOST of the time. When we go somewhere new or go on a weekend trip...I am reminded of the way things used to be all the time....with Autism. But as he has grown, many of his behaviors have decreased in severity.
We took a short trip to attend the temple in Kansas City. During our short trip we stayed with family. The cousins played and enjoyed their time together. But when it was time to go home our son got very upset...had to be restrained...yelled and screamed loudly...and created a scene. Thank goodness our family is very supportive. I was then reminded how different our normal is. And I was extremely grateful for improvements too.
ADHD is different. He doesn't lash out and kick, scream, hit, punch, slam or any of those physical things, most of the time. He doesn't give up. He is relentless. He does NOT give up. (Did I say that already...)He keeps asking...he keeps begging...he continues to present his point of view...over and over. He gets stuck on something and can NOT let it go. He is attached to everything. I would want him on my side in a debate! He will not give up until he wins! What a great quality to have!
He is smart, sweet, kind, thoughtful and helpful. He is easily distracted by legos or television and other toys. He has a great memory. He LOVES to repeat lines from shows or movies he has seen. He has a WONDERFUL sense of humor. He is very....VERY dramatic! Did I say very dramatic? Oh yeah....he is extremely dramatic! And here I thought the drama would come with the girls! Bah!
ADHD requires constant reminders. And I mean constant. By the time the kids head out the door to school I am worn out! I am thankful for a small break while they are at school. For several years I sat with him at the table while he did homework...every night. We sat for hours. I redirected. And redirected. Until...he was finished. Some nights it was until dinner time. Other nights it was until bedtime. Eventually he got so he could accomplish his homework on his own and more quickly. Now I only help on occasion.
Some days I feel like I never graduated from high school because I STILL have homework to do! It's all part of being a parent.
What I think I love most about my son with ADHD is his persistence! He doesn't give up! I could learn a thing or two from him!
Monday, February 25, 2013
Monday's Marvelous Memo
Perspective and Words
As you can plainly see...I skipped writing on Sunday. That will be my routine with this blog. I will write Monday through Saturday...barring any unforeseen circumstances.
Over the weekend I was pondering frequently on the topic of "perspective". One of my favorite things to say, as of late, is, "It's all about perspective". It's very very true. Life IS all about our perspective. We respond according to how we see the situation. Sometimes the way we see a certain situation can be a little bit skewed or off or not very realistic. When we try to see things in a new light or from a different angle, we may be shocked at the difference in how we feel about an event or conversation. Especially when dealing with another person, we can never really know what they are thinking or what their perspective is unless they tell us.
This is something that I can apply to my daily interactions with my family. If I can try to see things through their eyes, I might be a lot more understanding of their choices or actions.
While watching a movie last night, something one of the main characters said really hit home for me. I was watching The Letter Writer. It's not the best acting but the messages that are taught are awesome. (Here's a trailer for you... The Letter Writer trailer)
The character, Sam, was talking about the words we use and how they can effect another person. Words are extremely powerful. I love words. I've always loved how they can paint a picture in your mind. They can be used in a variety of ways. They can be kind, beautiful or lyrical. They can be harsh, cruel or mean. They can be used to lift another person up and "fill their bucket" or they can be used to tear another person down and "dip from their bucket".
Our perspective on a situation can effect how we use words toward another person. We need to be careful how we use our words so that we can have a positive effect on others. When we change our perspective to a more positive view we may also choose different words to say too.
This last summer I was able to participate in a parent training with Tough Point Autism Services. My case manager taught me a great deal about Autism. She helped me see a new perspective. A huge lesson I am continuing to learn is that when working with a child with Autism you must be very careful with your wording and phrasing. You must be direct and clear. There can be no insinuations. Nothing can be vague, with unspoken meanings. Sarcasm is lost on them. Talking to them is like relearning how to speak. It's a daily struggle to reword everything you are in the habit of saying. But when I realized that these individuals don't have the capacity to understand the words we are saying, my perspective changed and I have a great desire to change the way I communicate with my son.
My son does not deal very well with his dad traveling. He gets angry and lashes out. He has been doing better with his dad's traveling, but recently when his dad left on a business trip he got very upset. He was pushing, hitting, growling and yelling at his siblings and me. When those types of things are happening in the middle of church service, it's quite embarrassing. I'm so thankful for the inspiration that changed my perspective immediately. I was able to choose my words more carefully and address the true reason for the outburst. I was able to be very direct and kind. The remainder of church went well. The outbursts continued at home, but once I was aware of his perspective, I was able to handle the situations better.
Next time you encounter a situation that is stressful or hard, try to see things from a new, more positive perspective. Adjust your responses so that your words are more kind and uplifting. Watch and see how a change in your perspective and your words can make a huge difference in your life.
As you can plainly see...I skipped writing on Sunday. That will be my routine with this blog. I will write Monday through Saturday...barring any unforeseen circumstances.
Over the weekend I was pondering frequently on the topic of "perspective". One of my favorite things to say, as of late, is, "It's all about perspective". It's very very true. Life IS all about our perspective. We respond according to how we see the situation. Sometimes the way we see a certain situation can be a little bit skewed or off or not very realistic. When we try to see things in a new light or from a different angle, we may be shocked at the difference in how we feel about an event or conversation. Especially when dealing with another person, we can never really know what they are thinking or what their perspective is unless they tell us.
This is something that I can apply to my daily interactions with my family. If I can try to see things through their eyes, I might be a lot more understanding of their choices or actions.
While watching a movie last night, something one of the main characters said really hit home for me. I was watching The Letter Writer. It's not the best acting but the messages that are taught are awesome. (Here's a trailer for you... The Letter Writer trailer)
The character, Sam, was talking about the words we use and how they can effect another person. Words are extremely powerful. I love words. I've always loved how they can paint a picture in your mind. They can be used in a variety of ways. They can be kind, beautiful or lyrical. They can be harsh, cruel or mean. They can be used to lift another person up and "fill their bucket" or they can be used to tear another person down and "dip from their bucket".
Our perspective on a situation can effect how we use words toward another person. We need to be careful how we use our words so that we can have a positive effect on others. When we change our perspective to a more positive view we may also choose different words to say too.
This last summer I was able to participate in a parent training with Tough Point Autism Services. My case manager taught me a great deal about Autism. She helped me see a new perspective. A huge lesson I am continuing to learn is that when working with a child with Autism you must be very careful with your wording and phrasing. You must be direct and clear. There can be no insinuations. Nothing can be vague, with unspoken meanings. Sarcasm is lost on them. Talking to them is like relearning how to speak. It's a daily struggle to reword everything you are in the habit of saying. But when I realized that these individuals don't have the capacity to understand the words we are saying, my perspective changed and I have a great desire to change the way I communicate with my son.
My son does not deal very well with his dad traveling. He gets angry and lashes out. He has been doing better with his dad's traveling, but recently when his dad left on a business trip he got very upset. He was pushing, hitting, growling and yelling at his siblings and me. When those types of things are happening in the middle of church service, it's quite embarrassing. I'm so thankful for the inspiration that changed my perspective immediately. I was able to choose my words more carefully and address the true reason for the outburst. I was able to be very direct and kind. The remainder of church went well. The outbursts continued at home, but once I was aware of his perspective, I was able to handle the situations better.
Next time you encounter a situation that is stressful or hard, try to see things from a new, more positive perspective. Adjust your responses so that your words are more kind and uplifting. Watch and see how a change in your perspective and your words can make a huge difference in your life.
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