Some days are just rough

Before I ever was married or had a family I had this idea in my head of what it was going to be like to have a family.  It was magical.  It was wonderful.  And there was a lot of joy and laughter all the time.  It was a fairy tale.  And it was not very realistic.

I met my knight in shining armor and what could be better.  Nothing.  Right?  Then we had our first child.  And we were so happy.  Until that little tiny bundle started screaming all the time.  And some days I wondered what I had gotten myself into.

There have been many days over the past 17 1/2 years when I have questioned my decision to have a family.  Of course those doubts usually float away almost as quickly as they come.  I know in my heart that this is exactly what I was meant to do and where I was meant to be.  There is so much joy. Happiness. Laughter. Smiles. And love.  There are days that it really is a fairy tale.

Recently I have been really struggling with my seven year old daughter.  She is a sweet and wonderful angel at school, on the bus, and at church.  Almost as soon as she walks through the door she begins growling at everyone. Stomping her feet.  Screaming bloody murder at them when things don't go her way.  And throwing huge temper tantrums that I would expect from my 4 year old.

The mornings are unbelievably rough.  I've tried so many different things to try to get her to be more pleasant and happy.  I've played soft music.  I've rubbed her back. I've snuggled with her.  I talked calmly while she whines and gets angry at me.  This morning after 25 minutes of trying desperately to get her to get dressed, I finally yelled.

I absolutely hate when this happens.  As soon as I allow myself to give away my control, to the unseen evil one, I know I've made a mistake.  I feel awful.  And I dislike it.

This morning I ended up in tears.  I want so badly for her to make good choices. I want her to be happy.  And yet so many mornings have ended with me blowing my top and getting angry.

I've been pondering and praying daily about this.  But this morning's prayers were different.  I was desperate as I plead with my Heavenly Father for ideas. For solutions. For guidance and answers.

And when I was weighed down in my sorrow at allowing myself to make poor choices,  I picked up my sleepy four year old and she sweetly said, "I missed you mommy," as she snuggled into my shoulder and sucked her thumb, while rubbing the edge of my t-shirt.  And then I was reminded of the sweet blessings that come from having a family.

There are many blessed moments when it is like a fairy tale...for a short while.  And it's those moments I cling to when I'm struggling to remember why I chose to be a mom.  It's the good times that help us make it through the hard times.

A thought came to me after praying today.  It was this: I should try to involve my 7 year old in helping me bake or cook. So, with Thanksgiving coming this week I think it's a perfect time to allow her to spend some time helping in the kitchen.  I'm thankful for prayer and for a loving Father in Heaven who sends us guidance.

And so to start my day off with a bit of a boost I listened to Rachel Platten's Fight Song up loud while I did my planks.  It helps me remember that I CAN DO THIS!!

Have a beautiful day!

We are blessed!

Blessings.  If we take the time to really ponder on our blessed lives, to truly count each one, I think we would be surprised at how blessed we truly are.

I've been thinking about how blessed we are recently.  Not because Thanksgiving is coming.  Not because Christmas is around the corner.  I've been thinking about it because life has been really hard lately.  That's not so say that others don't have it much more difficult than we do.  There are many with harder, more testing trials than I have right now.  But life can be tough. And when it is tough it seems that we are more humble, maybe, and more aware of the little blessings that are constantly pouring down on us from Heaven.

I listened to a wonderful speaker recently who spoke of blessings.  Some of his words have really stayed with me.  (You can find the full talk here.)

"Being grateful in our circumstances is an act of faith in God. It requires that we trust God and hope for things we may not see but which are true.8 By being grateful, we follow the example of our beloved Savior, who said, “Not my will, but thine, be done.”9

True gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony. It comes from acknowledging that we do not always understand the trials of life but trusting that one day we will."

There have been many times when it would have been easier to simply be angry.  Angry with everyone and everything.  Angry at the world.  But I learned that I would never find happiness unless I found a way to be happy in any circumstance. There are still times when it's difficult. Living in Texas for a year was a very trying time for us. At the same time, we can see many blessings that came from it.

"Part of our challenge is, I think, that we imagine that God has all of His blessings locked in a huge cloud up in heaven, refusing to give them to us unless we comply with some strict, paternalistic requirements He has set up. But the commandments aren’t like that at all. In reality, Heavenly Father is constantly raining blessings upon us. It is our fear, doubt, and sin that, like an umbrella, block these blessings from reaching us.

His commandments are the loving instructions and the divine help for us to close the umbrella so we can receive the shower of heavenly blessings." Dieter F Uctdorf's talk.

Yesterday I was pondering the many blessings in our lives right now.  Our 15 year old son shot his first deer.  It was an exciting afternoon in our house.

But first I need to tell the back story.  The boys and my husband got up at 6 am and got ready to hunt.  It was raining out so they had to postpone until the rain stopped.  The boys finished chores and asked permission to get out their laptops to play a game.  I gave permission before realizing that the rain had stopped and they could finally go out. When I realized the rain had stopped and their Papa was ready to take them and their dad out hunting I told them they needed to put the laptops away.  They were angry.  They fought with me and were grumpy because they had to quit their game.  I promised them that if they changed their attitude and went out hunting they could play their game when they got home.  But if they chose to stay home they could sit on their beds and be grumpy.  They chose to go. And they are so thankful they did!

Not only was it a thrill, a rush, an awesome experience...it is a blessing.  Our son just provided more meat for our family for the winter. He learned that he CAN in fact sit quietly and wait and watch and hit his target.  He is so happy.

Even though life is tough at times we need to remember that Heavenly Father is watching over us.  He WANTS us to be happy.  He is blessing us.  As we strive to be good people and follow Him, He will continue to bless us.

The happy girl

The fat rain drops pounded on the ground.  It echoed through the chimney; plink, tink, plonk.  It gushed out of the gutters and onto the brown grass.  There was freshness in it as the drops poured from the gray cloud-filled sky.  I sat, looking out the window, as the rain drops hit the puddle that had formed in the folding chair. I have always felt a sadness that went along with rain.  And this time was no different. 

Cassie was happy today though.  There are so many days when she is just sad, grouchy, and angry and those days always seem to be followed by rainy days.  She can feel it coming, and it doesn't make her feel well.  I think, from what I can determine from her mood and actions that it down right hurts. 

When I was a teenage girl and I was babysitting, I loved the children I cared for…for the most part.  Having children looked fun and easy.  Now, as I am in my 17^th year of mothering/parenting, etc., I have found that the fairy tale only exists in pieces; small glimpses of wonderful-ness.

There are fairy tale moments, indeed.  There are glimpses of beauty in motherhood. And when they happen I pause and try to take in those precious pieces of my day. They don’t last, but THEY are what make parenting worth it…especially when many moments are filled with the day to day, and the hurts, trials and troubles of life. 

One of my struggles has always been in knowing what each child needs and finding a way to meet those needs.  Months ago we eliminated food dyes and other dyes from Cassie’s life followed by ridding her of gluten.  The change in her has been extremely significant. She is happier.  She talks more.  She actually talks to people outside of our house….sometimes. She is sweet and funny.  And when she has a bad day I find myself searching again for answers and ideas that could help her to be happy. 

As of late, the topic or thought on my mind has been trying to determine a cause for these hard days and then a solution. I haven’t found it yet, but I’m sure through prayer and pondering I will be led to the right information that will bless our lives as a whole.  

Wednesday's Wonderings

Parenting

Have you ever watched your child struggle through a trial and wondered if you have failed them as a parent?  Have you taught them the right things? Have you spent enough time with them?  Have you empowered them with enough knowledge and life-skills to be able to make good choices?

These same types of questions plague us when our kids hit milestone ages too. These are normal things to ponder.  And when we ponder them, we are taking a closer look at ourselves.  We see those things that we could improve upon.  We see those things we should put a stop to. We see those things we are doing well.  And during this time of introspection we should take an opportunity to focus on what we have done well.  Have we loved our children and expressed it daily? Have we taught them to be good, kind people? 

We should NEVER beat ourselves up over mistakes.  When we do, we are letting Satan win. The best parents are those who see their mistakes and fix them!  

When your child struggles, make sure they know that you are there for them.  Talk with them without judging them or being critical, or correcting them. Share your wisdom with them, kindly.  I am not always the most patient person, and at times, have not wanted to wait for them to say what is one their mind.  When I have let them think and then speak, we both have felt better about our conversation.  Use kind tones and kind words.  Talk to them the way you would want to be spoken to.  Find good sources with sound parenting advice.  I like going to the Lord in prayer and reading the scriptures.  I also like going to lds.org to find articles and talks on the topics I need.  Find what works best for you.

Christian articles and talks

A great book I have read parts of is called "Teaching Your Children Values" by Richard and Linda Eyre.  

Teaching Your Children Values book

This month's Ensign has a great article called "Raising Resilient Children".  It has good, sound advice for raising children.  

Raising Resilient Children article

The key is to remember that non of us are perfect.  We try each day to become better people and over time we improve and are becoming better. Focus on the positive.  Point out the positive.  When you see that you are making mistakes, stop them, correct them and move forward.  When you do these things you can find peace in knowing that you're doing your best to be a good, righteous parent.